There's a persistent myth that the perfect breakfast in bed is all about balance: a subtle selection of treats, neatly arranged on a tray, with just enough orange juice to raise your hopes for a better day, but not enough to ruin your duvet. Nonsense. Anyone who truly understands life—or disappointment, which is often the same thing—knows that breakfast in bed only becomes transcendent when it's impractical, excessive, and mildly disastrous.