Carrot cake.

There are recipes born from conviviality, tradition, or a love of sweets. This is not one of those recipes. This carrot cake was born from listening to Disgustipated by Tool—a track that feels like a feverish epiphany in a deserted field, as the sun dies behind pesticide haze.

This cake is an ode to the transience of agriculture, the cry of the carrot, and the inevitable decay of all that once flourished. And yet… it tastes surprisingly good.

Because even in the silent shadow of the dying ecosystem, there appears to be room for cream cheese frosting.

Ingredients

• 4 "innocent" carrots, peeled and grated
• 200g walnuts, because “the animals are in the barn.”
• 3 eggs, packed in fear
• 250ml sunflower oil (or tears of the harvesting priest)
• 200g sugar (white as the bones of unsuspecting consumers)
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• 1 tsp nutmeg (from the sacred herb aisle)
• 250g flour (the ash of burnt wheat field)
• 1 tsp baking powder
• ½ tsp baking soda (chemical awakening)
• pinch of salt (to remind life of bitterness)

For the topping (optional, but recommended by the prophet)

• 200g cream cheese
• 100g icing sugar
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 50g butter (melted under moonlight)

Preparation method

1. Listen. Sets Disgustipated up. Don't listen passively—experience it. Let your soul crumble like old wood.
2. Preach against the oven. Heat it to 180°C. Warn him that the harvest is coming.
3. Mix the wet ingredients. In a bowl, whisk together the eggs, oil, and sugar until a glossy, fluffy mixture forms.
4. Invoke the drought. In another bowl, combine the flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, nutmeg, and salt. Whisper, "This is necessary."
5. Combine. Slowly add the dry ingredients to the wet mixture, like the cycles of agriculture and destruction.
6. Offer the carrots and nuts. Add them. Curse the names of forgotten seed banks.
7. Pour the mixture In a greased baking pan, let the batter settle like the sins of the consumer.
8. Bake for 45 minutes. Or until a skewer comes out clean. While it's baking: shout to the forest.

Frosting (if the gods are kind)

1. Mix cream cheese, powdered sugar, butter, and vanilla until smooth as the lie of industry.
2. Spread it on the cooled cake with the slowness of a dying ecosystem.

Eat. And when you taste, know: “And the angel of the Lord came unto me, snatched me up from my slumber, took me on high, and higher still…”

…to a reasonably decent carrot cake.
With walnuts.